The end of a season. But the beginning of a new one. A mysterious season. Yet an exciting season. I'm really not sure what to think right now. I don't have any plans past the end of February. And I don't have a job.
That's a big one for me. I haven't been jobless without a new job lined up for years. To be honest it scares me. But at the same time it excites me. I am at an extremely unique place in my life right now. Most likely I will never again have this much free time on my hands, never again have these few responsibilities. I have no one who is depending on me. No one who is requiring my presence. I could disappear off the face of the planet and no one's life would be ruined. No one would starve. No one would be forever unloved.
That's not to say that nobody cares. But I don't have a God-given responsibility to protect a family. I don't have  friends who would be lost without me. I don't have obligations to a boss or a company. I don't have any debts. I don't even have any secrets.No obligations. It's an odd kind of freedom. Nothing to tie me where I am. Nothing but relationships.
Ah, relationships. People. People I have been given to love. To encourage. That is what keeps me here. That, and the fact that I have no idea where else I would go.
In a way, it scares me, this lack of responsibility. It makes me wonder what I should be doing. Does the fact that no one is depending on me show a lack of dependability in me? Or is  it simply God's way of ending a season of life. His way of moving me forward?
What could I be doing? In the realm of the hypothetical there are so many options. I could be almost anybody, anywhere, doing anything. I could be that gypsyish person everyone always dreams of being. The person who travels wherever he wants to go. Does cool stuff and learns cool things. He's seen it all. You know, a few months in Germany working for some random company. Six months or so in El Salvador teaching English or something. A couple weeks in Peru searching for ancient treasure. maybe some time  documenting penguins or studying the social condition of some tribe in a county in Africa that nobody has ever heard of. Been there, done that. But is that really what I want to do? really who I want to be? I don't think so. Somehow through all the exotic interest of a life like that, with all the stories, all the lessons learned, sights seen, even with all that I would miss the relationships.
That's what really matters anyway. People. Those eternal creations, each one unique. That's where the true adventure lies. Exploring the human soul. That's what I really don't want to miss out on. Lives. Love. Somehow everything else seems empty.
So the real question is which people am I going to explore. Who am I going to love? Who am I going to invest my irretrievable and therefor invaluable time in?
Oh, the answer. So simple yet so hard to accept. To embrace and live. Relationships are given by God. Orchestrated by God. I really don't have to answer any of these questions. he already has the answers. All of them. All I have to do is ask Him for them. And He tells me. A couple at a time. Not enough to let me think I've quite got it figured out. Just enough for the next step.
So all this rambling and I come to my answer. Ask.

Fear Love Grace

1Jn 4:18  There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has punishment; and the one fearing has not been perfected in love.
Fear. It's everywhere. Fear of the future. Fear of the past. Fear of a person. Or a creature. Or an idea. Fear of the unknown. It's controlling.
Why do we fear? What is it about human nature that makes us fear?
What if we were designed to fear? I believe we were designed to have that healthy awe, that shake-in-our-socks respect, that fear of God.
But like every other sin we twist God's design. We manipulate His perfect plan until our version is hardly recognizable as a mutilation of the original. We forget the truth about the nature of God and His promises and convince ourselves that we have a reason to be afraid of something other than our God.
We don't trust Him. We don't believe that He is who He says He is. We don't love Him the way we were intended to love. And we tremble. We feel the knot form in our guts as we forget who we are in Christ. We hide in our dark corner and begin to think that nothing can make our lives better.
Then God reaches out and picks us up from where we are hiding. He wraps His arms around us and whispers His truths in our ear. It's grace. God's unmerited favor for us. Nothing we have ever done or could ever do would make us deserve it. And we begin to understand. And we begin to see God with the awe we should always have. And our love grows.
The more we love, the less we fear. The more we love, the more we understand the One we love. And our love is perfected. And perfect love casts out fear. That irrational, cowardly, pathetic, doubting fear cannot live alongside real love. That's grace.

Romans 14 In Verse

Romans 14

Let him who loves God love his neighbor
And serve 'long side his brother
For each will answer to our Lord
And not to one another

Let not, with condescending thoughts
The weak in faith despise
The Master judges every man
And sees with perfect eyes

So rather let us give support
For those whose knees are weak
For God is able to to provide
The strength for those who seek

Never causing friends to stumble
The good of others seek
Each man must crush his Flesh, his Sin
The strong uphold the weak

God's kingdom comes with peace and joy
With bowed knee and bowed heart
With life or death each man will say
"I serve because Thou Art"

That day each man in faith will live
In truth he will rejoice
The saints will live in harmony
And praise God with one voice