Sometime I just get sick of it.
A woman comes into my workplace. I see the subtle raised eyebrows, double takes, and the sizing up and rating of her body. I try not to act nonchalant as I do my job. And then, after she leaves, I brace for the remarks I know are coming.
"Dang. Did you see that? We do I find a girl like that?"
"I don't know. I've seen better."
"Oh right, like you could get someone like that..."
Usually it wraps up with a general dismissal of the woman as falling short of "par."
Or maybe a declaration that she was "sculpted by the gods" delivered like some kind of coveted stamp of quality. "This one gets and A+."
Whatever the verdict, most women leave with a "pass" or "fail" stamped to their memory. I think her worth is determined by how attracted I am to her. I know better, but I allow my mind to follow this pattern of thought.
Dear women, I am so sorry! You are more than your approval rating from men! You are more than your body, and how you carry yourself! You are sculpted, not by some impersonal gods, but by God. Hand crafted to be uniquely beautiful. Your true beauty is not an external thing, it's a matter of your heart. A woman who knows and loves and serves God is infinitely more beautiful that one who causes men to want her body.
I'm sorry for acting like I can judge or rate you. I hope to become more than that.
Oh my God forgive me for placing women on the throne of my mind that belongs to You! Oh my wife, forgive me for allowing my heart and mind to wander, and not rejoicing in you like I should! Oh my sisters, forgive me for taking advantage of you with my mind, and with my eyes, and for feeding you the lie that your value is measured by the men who want you!
"I apologize.
It was never my intent to ruin lives, compromise, or feed these eyes
something other than what was designed.
I apologize.
It was never my desire to downsize or objectify the beauty God designed...
"God's most beautiful creation and
I'm sitting here euphoric like I have the right to destroy it
just cause I don't have enough dedication to build a relationship
with the one who can free me, so I resort to suffocation of my very foundations
while claiming that I'm striving to meet the expectations of purity?
"Jesus keep reassuring me,
I'm yearning to be the entity that you desire me to be
"Jesus keep reassuring her,
the one in the centerfold, the picture I'll remember until I grow old
She is human; she is human,
she is bought and sold to a million empty souls feeling so hopeless
that they'll try anything to fill the hole.
"I apologize.
Please believe it's true.
I never meant to hurt you."
--Levi the Poet
