I think one of the biggest reasons I started this blog (even though I didn't know it at the time) was to keep me humble. So far this is a bog about ideals and goals, but hardly more. I'm starting to see how difficult it is to live up to my dreams. I know, I'm a little slow. It's so easy to think, "I will live this way tomorrow." Then the next day comes. Buh, buh, bum! Like I said, I hope this blogs helps me stay humble. It certainly isn't a record of my great victories like I hoped it would be by now. In all honesty, my track record isn't very pretty. Not that I'm about to give up. Don't get my wrong, I don't have the right to give up. And in all actuality I don't even want to. I mean, I do, but I don't. But how do I live every moment fully?
Something that has really struck me lately is how futile theology is if it doesn't have an impact on the way I live. If I say I believe something but I don't live by it, my belief is a lie. I can mentally have a perfect theology and philosophy for life but if my life doesn't reflect what my mind believes I might as well believe any lie. My actions are driven by something deeper than just my mind. My inner being (call it heart, spirit, whatever) is always reflected by my actions. So how do I make truth penetrate through my mind and into my life?
I don't have the answer. At least not in it's entirety. But I know the One who does. I trust that He is able to navigate His truth past my mental roadblocks and plant it firmly in my life. So I press forward, confident that as God cultivates His crop in my life His truth will grow and overcome the lies I so easily believe.
Have you ever had one of those experiences where suddenly it hit you that it was time to be more mature? Kind of a call to a higher standard. Today was kind of like that in a small way. I realized that it is time for me to be the man I always knew I needed to grow into. I never realized how soon this day would come. Time to put away childish things. Time to take another step in faith, knowing that I can never be who I need to be on my own. The sheer impossibility of the standard I have been called to is mind-boggling. I mean, "Be perfect, as I am Perfect?" C'mon, really? But it's time to take God at His word and Live. He said that is the standard and I'm pretty confident He wasn't kidding. The only conclusion I'm left with is that He somehow will make this possible.
I know I'll fail again. I always do. The only thing more predictable is that God will be right there, ready to pick me back up, set me on my feet, and point me in the right direction again. And as I decrease, and He increases the falls will be less frequent, though maybe not less painful. He is faithful.

My Right to Give Up

In Tom Harmon's Morning Prayer (http://tdharmon.com/morningprayer) there is a list of rights to yield to God daily. One that always sticks out to me is the right to give up. This is something I face every day. My track record isn't always pretty and most of the time I just don't feel like being responsible with my life. But I have been called to live life to the fullest; that's what Christianity is. And I have relinquished my right to give up on that goal.
Do I achieve that goal every day? Nope. Have I ever achieved that for a single day? I'm going to have to ditto my previous answer. But the One who called me to be perfect is also the One who enables the changes needed in my life to become like Him. So I look toward the goal, take a better grip, and rededicate myself to conquering my failures through the strength of God and being conquered by the power of the Almighty.

What do I fear?

Throughout scripture God tells people hundreds of times not to be afraid. Fear that is not based on an understanding of the nature of God is wrong. One of the things I want to start doing is uncovering my fears and bringing them face to face with truth. Fear binds, but truth will set you free. A major fear I see in my life is a fear of commitment. It is based in a fear of the unknown. If I commit to something what do I have to give up? Will my life be as comfortable? What if I fail?

Through this blog I want to start chronicling my commitments. I'm going to start small and go from there. I'm not going to take on too much at once. I want to build personal discipline in me life from the foundation up. Some of the things I've been thinking about for short term commitments are physical things like goals for running, jiu-jitsu, working out, hiking, getting up at a certain time, and so forth. Other things are more mental or spiritual disciplines like prayer times, Bible study and memorization, educating my self on history, nutrition, human physiology, or whatever. 

So, that's my vision. Now for diving in head first. 

Conquering Fear Part II

I want to live life conquering fear and conquered by fear. There are two kinds of fear. The first kind is irrational fear. It is not based in reality. This is the kind of fear Paul talks about in 1 Timothy. God has not given us a spirit of fear (irrational timidity). The second kind is a fear based in reality. It is completely rational and completely relevant to everyday life. It is the fear of God.
The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. This isn't irrational terror but rather a true understanding of the nature of God. When we understand the holiness of God and the true implications of our sin we begin to have this kind of fear. This is the fear that drives us towards God. When we feel terror about anything but the wrath of God we are allowing a fear in our lives that is not based in reality, and it drives us away from God. I think often these different kinds of fear can feel the same. But they lead to totally different places. Fear of the world leads to bondage and misery. Fear of God leads to strength, freedom, and joy.
So this blog is about conquering the fear that is not based on reality and being conquered (controlled, in submission to) by the reality of an awesome God.

Conquering Fear Part I

Why Conquering Fear? What does that mean? Well, it has a double meaning. The obvious meaning is that this is a blog about me conquering my fears. No duh. The other meaning is kinda the flip of that. This is a blog about being conquered by fear. Yup. I totally just said that. Well, I gotta run so I'll explain later. Not that anybody is going to see this in the meantime.